Herbs & Things

Herbs & Things
Herbs & Things

My Book

My Book
My Book

Devotionals

Devotionals
Devotionals

Daily Ramblings | The Delusion of the "Stay at Home Mom"



I've started and stopped this post so many times. Not because I think I shouldn't post it, but simply because every time I start writing it, I get distracted.

There's laundry to do. There's a toddler painting my walls with permanent marker. The dog just pee'd on my bed (for the 5th time this month, bless her heart). My husband needs me to make more iced tea. Dishes are piling up, even though I just washed them an hour ago. It seems as though I find new cups under the couch every five minutes. My 4 year old just cut the dogs hair and painted her nails with, you guessed it, black permanent marker. I have work to do, photos to edit, a house to clean up. We've already gone through 2 trash bags today -- I could swear the gum wrappers and dirty socks are mating right in the middle of the living room floor. Homeschool? Well, we're always 2 days behind it seems.

Let me first start by saying that all moms are super moms. It doesn't matter if you work, don't work, work outside the home, work inside the home.....we're all awesome and have a hard life at times. But let me also say that there is this crazy delusion that some people have of stay at home and work from home moms, and quite honestly, it's ridiculous.

Let me tell you how my day goes, almost every.single.day.
Click here to

6:00 am: Time to wake up and have alone time with God. That usually involves praying long and hard that my child won't wake up for another 2 hours. Throw a load of laundry in for good luck. Make our bed. Put lunch together for the husband (sometimes before 6 am)
6:30 am: My child wakes up because apparently he might miss something amazingly awesome if he doesn't.
6:35 am: Dear Lord, there's a reason for everything.....time to flip on morning cartoons (that I will forget to turn on until we have our breakfast debate)
7:00 am: We open the pantry and run down the list of 5 things that he's allowed to eat for breakfast, and 50 things he's not.
8:00 am: We're still fighting about breakfast. And usually the comment is made, "If you let me eat fruit snacks for breakfast, I'll take a nap today".
8:30 am: I've made 3 different things that he won't eat......fruit snacks it is. I should have bought bagels at the store....he always eat's bagels.
9:00 am: We finally turn some cartoons on. Mommy has to check her email.
9:07 am: "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!!"
9:10 am: "Are you done yet? When are you going to be done? Can we do school work?"
9:30 am: School work commences and the next hour is golden. He loves school.
10:35 am: Clean up the floors and vacuum every room.
11:10 am: Wash dishes and stop every 3 minutes to make sure the dog is still alive -- making sure my child has not locked her in closets, forced her under a bed, or caused her to commit suicide.
11:30 am: Make a mental list of things my husband might eat for dinner, because if he doesn't want it, he's not eating it. Wash the dishes.
11:45 am: Try to check email and make phone calls.
12:00 pm: Oh, right, I have a child to feed. Wait, he's been too quiet for the past 15 minutes.
12:03 pm: Find bathroom sink full of water. He's "washing" his socks and toys....and the bathroom floor.....and the toilet....and the step stool....and the mirror....and the door....and, the dog. Time to clean up his "clean up".
12:30 pm: Sweat dripping from forehead, might as well clean the entire bathroom while I'm here. I'm hungry. Somehow I always forget to clean the sink and mirror though.
12:45 pm: Run down the list of things he can have for lunch. Peanut butter and jelly with pringles it is, just like every other day.
1:00 pm: "Rest" time. Pray to the Lord above that he actually falls asleep so that I might actually get some computer work done.
1:15 pm: Nope...apparently the good Lord saw fit for zero naps today. Time to move him to the couch so he can "rest".
1:20 pm: "Mommy, if you let me go outside, I'll come inside and take a nap." Your bribes are null and void now you little midget....now LAY DOWN!!! Bless your heart....Jesus loves you and mommy does too...
1:30 pm: "Is Peter Rabbit on yet? Let's watch Peter Rabbit. When can I get up? Is it time to get up yet?"
1:40 pm: "Is it time to get up yet?"
1:42 pm: "Can I get up yet?"
1:44 pm: "Can I get.."..... "oh for the love of all that's good and righteous GET UP!"
2:00 pm: The phone is ringing. "What have you been doing all day?" Yes...that's a question multiple people ask me around this time of day. "Where have you been? Why haven't you been responding to my emails? Why the short emails?" ...... banging head on kitchen counter.... I'm still hungry. I might as well wait until dinner at this point.
2:30 pm: We go outside (if it's nice weather) and I try my hardest to answer emails and send emails from my phone....being very careful that my phone doesn't auto correct a professional email into a very awkward one.
2:50 pm: Send follow up email to insure that your client knows you do know how to type, but all of your on's turned into an's and the's turned into for's. Oh, and I meant "yes ma'am", not "trippers". I'll never be able to explain that one.
3:00 pm: I should probably switch those clothes over into the dryer now before I have to wash them all over again. You forgot I had put a load in the wash at 6 am too, didn't you? As long as the boys have clean underwear and tshirts, it's all good. My clothes might get washed by Saturday.
3:30 pm: This is when the game changes. Some days my husband is home by now, and if he is, I am singing hallelujah because he takes Jr outside and I can get some of my work done and start dinner. Otherwise, I try to sit still for 10 mins so that I can grasp some common sense and motivation that might still be floating around somewhere.
4:00 pm: I'm still trying to figure out what to make for dinner.... is it really already 4pm!?
4:15 pm: I need coffee, but then I never make it because I fear that it might keep me awake all night.
5:00 pm: I've either been in a zombie state for the past 45 mins or I may have actually gotten something accomplished (be it blogging, working, cleaning). If hubby is home, we will go for a 3 mile walk if the weather is nice. This is a nice time of sanity.
6:30 pm: walk is over with. If we haven't eaten dinner yet, we'll eat dinner now.
7:00 pm: bath time, getting the little one ready for bed since he refused to take a nap. I still can't believe I fell for his bribery at 1:20 pm.
7:30 pm: time for mama's shower -- where I think about everything I didn't get done today and wonder where on earth all of my time went. Oh...that's right....
8:00 pm: daddy takes a shower and mommy tries to finish up her work day.
8:30 pm: bedtime for little Jr. Breathing time for mama. Alone time for mommy and daddy begins!

From this point on, we'll watch tv, maybe a movie, spend time together and enjoy ourselves. We have some pretty amazing conversations during this time, and I look forward to it every single day. Bedtime comes for us between 10pm and 11pm. Depending on the morning, we're up between 5am and 6am, depending on when my husband leaves for work. That requires making lunches and breakfast, and once again praying that the little one doesn't wake up before I have 10 mins of 'me' time.

But the amazing fact is that I don't have to have "me" time just to function properly. It's not as important as some might think it is. God has recently brought to my realization that I have made one of the greatest sacrifices that a woman can make -- staying home with her children and training them every single minute of every single day to walk in righteousness and grace. I will never fully understand the statement of "I just need to get away from my kids" from women who never even see their children. It doesn't mean we can't have alone time away from them, in fact, I encourage it, to a degree. But it's time to start seeing our children as blessings, as little students. It's time to start treating our children as if they are not ours -- as if they are lent to us for only a short amount of time, and it is our 24/7/365 job to train them in righteousness, love and integrity. If that means your day doesn't go as planned, then so be it. If that means your only alone time is in the shower, then so be it. Make it worth your time. As long as your children know that they are loved and that they have a beautiful God who carries their mama through the day -- that is all that matters.

It's also time to stop being so bitter about your life.
If you're a stay at home or work from home mom, stop being bitter that you never have alone time. This is your gift -- there are so many women who would trade you places. You have been given an amazing task by our Creator! And please, stop telling working moms that they have no clue what you go through during the day. Even though they have not experienced your hardship, that does not rid them of the desire to be a SAHM. It crushes their heart when you boast about staying at home, and then complain about it 5 minutes later. Unfortunately, there are many moms who cannot be stay at home moms -- whether it be because they financially cannot or simply because they don't know how to make it happen.
If you're a working mother, stop being so bitter and belittling stay/work at home mom's. It's rude, unintelligent and down right pure jealousy whether you realize it or not. When you say to (or about) a stay/work at home mom that she doesn't do anything all day or that she shouldn't have anything to complain about because she doesn't have to work outside of the home....it really is very unchristian like and rude. I know, I've been in your shoes. I've made those comments. But just remember that God has called each of us to be Christ like in every situation. And also remember that while you work outside of the home and have to come home to do your daily chores, a stay at home mom has to do her daily chores multiple times a day, simply for the reason that chips get crushed into the carpet about 5 times a day, drinks get spilled, crafts need cleaning up, dishes are used through out the entire day, not just morning and evening, and there still has to be time to actually train her children.

Either way, no matter who you are, remember that God, spouse and children come first and foremost in your life. Make sure you're taking care of them first, job comes second. If that means waking up early and going to be late, so be it. Whatever you do, do it as if working for the Lord -- He is your provider, your strength and your refuge in times of need and trouble....even in the smallest of issues, like those crushed up chips in the carpet that were the last straw and now you're bawling your eyes out. He knows you, He knows your heart -- make sure you share your heart, not your mind, with other moms.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord..." Colossians 3:23 NIV

No comments