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Daily Ramblings | Emotions and Motherhood


Sometimes I think I really suck at this motherhood thing.

I really suck at being a house wife. I suck incredibly at folding laundry. 

By no means am I the best cook, nor do I enjoy it with an extra picky eater in the house (and I'm not talking about my child!)

I am incredibly horrible when it comes to multitasking...I mean, seriously, horrible. And yet I chose the "work from home" lifestyle just so I could spend more time with my child and in hopes that I could spend more time being a homemaker. Click here to

But it's hard, it is incredibly hard to be a wife, mother, homemaker, and throw in an actual job in the midst of it all. Something is always lacking, always. If I don't focus on my work from home 'job' one day and focus on the housework and homeschooling instead, then my work lacks or I let something fall through the cracks. If I focus on my 'job' and not my housework and child, then I feel guilty that my child has been in front of the tv more than I would like for him to be, or that he's had to beg for my attention numerous times before I can actually pay attention to him. It breaks my heart, in all honesty, it upsets me to an unimaginable degree.

You see, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Working moms want to be stay at home moms or work at home moms. Stay at home moms long for a day away from the kids. It's a never ending cycle. We're never happy with what we have in one single moment. We're always sacrificing one thing for another. Wanting more than we have, or wishing for something we think isn't possible. Maybe it's what keeps us going, what keeps up striving for a goal, but I personally think it's our greatest demise as Christian women. We compare ourselves to others and other people's lives much more often than we should, and many times, we are extremely ungrateful for the lives that we have been blessed with.

I'm preaching to the choir here, in my daily rambling. Because I wanted nothing more than to be a work at home mom. Then once I got a taste of being a work at home mom, I just wanted to be a stay at home mom....minus the work part. I've been in a little lull these past 3 weeks. Sorting my emotions to one side and biblical living to the other. Trying to make out which was true and which wasn't -- what I could apply and what I shouldn't. When in all reality, I was walking through an alleyway where neither emotions nor God existed. Emotions can do crazy things to you. I've always been good at telling the difference between good ones and bad ones, but I think I got lost and didn't have much strength to find my way back due to heartache from dealing with unnecessary work drama, and then finding out who you can trust and who you can't. My husband and close friends have always told me I'm too trusting, too forgiving -- that it is my greatest downfall. But I think I disagree. I feel like being more forgiving than less forgiving is better, in some cases. Maybe not better for my heart, but better for others hearts. If I don't show them love and give them a million chances, who will? Jesus would. But at the same time, I have slowly learned that I don't need to have something directly in my life that affects me in a bad way. My priority is my relationship with God, my relationship with my husband and child, and then my relationship with the people who need me in their lives. Not just because they want me there, but need me there. To help them along their journey, to help them face their fears or push through their heartaches. I'll talk more about that later this week.

The moral of this story? Sometimes we forget that while we are wives, mothers, and homemakers, we're also individuals -- friends, siblings, aunts, employees, women. Sometimes we throw our emotions to the side in a little pile because we don't have the time to deal with them. And then after awhile, they all pile up, and it's hard to sort through them once you do have the time to 'deal' with them. That's the devil's playground. That's his foothold. Never properly and biblically dealing with your thoughts and emotions, hopes and fears, will lead to a loss of footing. 

But in the end, this reminder -- the reminder that Christ never gives us more than we can handle -- lifts me up.
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." [1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV]
There is always a way out. Always. He is always there, waiting for you to lean on Him and make the right decision -- to call Him Father and allow Him to love on you. But He is also telling us that we aren't the only ones dealing with what we're dealing with right now. We aren't alone, and we aren't irrelevant. Others have gotten through it before us, others will get through it after us, and we'll get through it in this moment if we allow ourselves to.

In these past few weeks, I think I've always known this, but I also think that I refused to see it. I wanted to do this all on my own. I didn't 'need' God because I could be a strong woman, I had to be a strong woman, especially in the workplace. I saw my emotions as irrelevant, because unfortunately I don't tend to find the need to 'bug' God with my simple frustrations -- I've always been this way. But through all of that, I lost sight of how much my attitude and daily life had changed. Trying to deal and do it all on my own left me "God-less". It was overwhelming, and I did it to myself. It left a pit in my heart that couldn't be filled, no matter how much I spoke of God to others, no matter how much I professed Him with my mouth. It reminded me of this scripture.
"Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’" [Matthew 7:22-23 NIV]

I'm not an evildoer, I know that. But the concept of it is piercing to my heart, because without a constant personal relationship with my Father, I am nothing. Everything I do will be in vain. Do you know what vain means?

vain

  [veyn] 
adjective, vain·er, vain·est.
excessively proud of or concerned about one's own appearance, qualities, achievements, etc.;conceited

I am nothing, because as a human, I am irrelevant to others (I am loved by an amazing God, however). I was made from dust, and to the dust this human body will go when it is done on this earth. But God has equipped me -- my soul, my spirit -- with His strength, with His grace, with His love, with His patience, with everything I could ever need to be a good wife, to be a good mother, to be a good employee and to be a good homemaker. All I have to do is ask. All I need to do is lean on Him, never pushing my irrelevant feelings to the side, but always bringing them before Him. He wants to see my hurts, my pains, my irrelevant feelings, my improper feelings. He see's them all anyway, but the greatest step we can take is to bring them before our Savior. To lay them at His feet. He wants to see our brokenness, because without seeing it, without us bringing our brokenness to Him, He cannot fix it. Many times we find the need to share our frustrations and complaints to friends, on social media networks, or lash out at the ones who have done no harm to us. It's a symptom of trying to do things ourselves, of Godlessness. If we don't want to publicly announce our anger or frustration, if that character trait frustrates us, then it's because we are selfish -- it's because we are trying to do all of this on our own. Yes, we'll slip up, but in those times let us remember that our footing is slipping because we have chosen self over brokenness in front of our King.

I'm in the process of doing that now -- the process of trying to lay my life completely before Him in everything I do -- and my goodness, what a weight that has been lifted. It is hard, it is very hard. But it must become habitual. I do this to myself every so often, get in these lulls, and I should have learned my lesson by now. But tomorrow is a new day, a second chance. In Christ we get so many more 'second chances' than we actually deserve. And while that is an amazing feeling, it is not to be taken advantage of.

Sometimes we don't need to talk, think, or do anything. When we feel inadequate or like a failure, instead of sulking, sometimes we just need to "be". Some days, in some moments, we just need to remember that we are human, and He is God. That we will slip, but He is steadfast.

Sometimes we just need to Be still, and know that He God. [Psalms 46:10]

Everything else will fall into its proper place. We will learn how to be good housewives, we will learn how to be good mothers, because God has equipped us to be -- if we only seek after Him constantly, and go to His word for direction. It doesn't mean we'll become perfected the moment we hear that first cry, or kiss that first boo-boo. It doesn't mean we'll be instinctive and motivated when it comes to dusting shelves or folding  laundry. But it does mean that we are equipped to do all of these things in and through Christ. It means the ability is right here within us, but it is our responsibility to grow it and manifest it in our daily lives. Even the Proverbs 31 woman tended to her husband, her children, her home, all while owning and working a vineyard. Many wives argue that it's because the Proverbs 31 woman had servants -- well, so do modern day women. We have washing machines, dryers, vacuum cleaners and dishwashers ;).

We're going to make mistakes, we're going to be hurt by others, we're going to face trials both as individuals and as a family. But faith doesn't mean that everything will be ok -- faith means that I will be ok through everything

So chin up, sweetheart. God has amazing things in store for us as mothers and individuals, if we only allow Him to change our hearts. And as a result, change our lives.

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