Herbs & Things

Herbs & Things
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Spider Phobes | I apologize

First of all, I would like to apologize to all of my friends who have a spider phobia. Yes, you know who you are. For years I have tormented you and made fun of your phobia, constantly posting photos of ugly gigantic spiders on your facebook pages, sending you text messages of spiders that look like they are on your screen, and telling you creepy spider facts, like the fact that you eat over 100 spiders in your lifetime when you sleep at night.

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry for making light of your phobia...because last night, something horrible happened, and I thought of every single one of you, and how this must be God's way of making me "reap what I sow".

It was 11:50 pm, I remember the exact time because I had just looked down at the computer clock to see what time it was and to see if the laundry was done. I was so tired and ready to go to bed, but first, I needed to go downstairs (the basement) and throw a load of clothes into the dryer. Click here to

I had gotten to that point where I was letting myself relax, knowing that this was my final chore for the day and that tomorrow would be a little less busy. I was happy, so happy, to know that I would be safe and sound tucked into my bed in just a few short moments.

I opened the basement door, flipped on the light, and started walking down the stairs. About halfway down the stairs, I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye. I stopped. Dead in my tracks. As I peeped down the stairwell I felt shivers go up and down my spine. There, on the bottom stair landing, was a gigantic dark spot with eight hairy legs. I knew in that moment, that this was going to be a rough night.

Its body and legs took up 1/4 of a step. If a step is about a foot to a foot in a half long, this thing was about 4 inches in diameter, with its body being an inch and a half long and at least a half inch thick. Yes, I remember this because it is BURNED into my brain!!

But it gets better....

I squealed thinking my sleeping husband would hear me and come to my rescue.


In fact, I didn't even hear the bed squeak as if he had heard me and just rolled over to ignore my sheer screams of help.

I squealed again, just to be sure he wasn't coming.  


So, I scurried back up the stairs and got a shoe. Yes, a shoe. What else was I supposed to get?! Now that I think about it, I should have gotten the Woolite foam spray so that the sucker couldn't go anywhere, THEN slam it with the shoe.

I slowly walked down the stairs and to the landing. I said, "if this thing jumps on me, I am going to DIE! End of story!!"

I slowly reached down to slam the shoe on it.

BAM! Got his leg but he wiggled free.

What happened next horrified me more than anything.

As he scurried around, I could literally hear its legs scratching the wall, trying to climb up it. But its body was so heavy, it couldn't climb. At this point, I'm disgusted, and I don't care who I wake up in this house, I'm going to scream!!!!

It stops. I stop. And I think to myself "if I could just get to that black powder rifle across the room and shoot it...." but then I remembered how silly and redneckish that was....and I'd probably give my husband a heart attack....and make him very very angry that he had to replace dry wall downstairs.

So, I slowly moved closer to the tarantula while singing "Jesus Take the Wheel".



At this point, he's PO'd and starts lunging at me. Seriously, my life was threatened by a spider with a bad attitude. LISTEN here buddy, YOU came into MY house!!

Those furry little eight legs scurried closer to me and wedged itself into a corner. Ah HA! I've got you now you big giant horrible excuse of a nightmare.

But then.....the unthinkable....


Filled with delight, I slowly picked the shoe up....

Only to see its furry body squeeze into a tiny little crack leading underneath the stairway landing.

SERIOUSLY?!  Seriously, this is not happening to me. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

I had been defeated by a 1-pound spider. It was horrible. I couldn't do anything. I could only hope that I stressed it out enough so that it a) died from a heart attack or b) couldn't get back out from underneath the landing because of its huge grotesque body.

I almost forgot about the laundry....

I slowly made my way back up the stairs and into our bedroom. As I lay down, I made my presence known. My husband asked, "what's wrong?" I replied, "you didn't even hear me screaming!? There was a freaking tarantula in the basement!"

His reply?

"Yeah, just wait until one of them climbs into the clothes basket downstairs, into your tshirt, and makes itself known when you put it on."

Touche, husband, touche.

I didn't get a bit of sleep last night. I kept thinking "Jesus I know you protect us, but seriously, I can't stop thinking about it." My husband, sound asleep, having beautiful dreams about the beach or the football game...who knows.

I'm going to go clean the laundry room now, and pray to the good Lord above that I don't see that eight-legged freak again. I WILL be prepared for you this time you little demon!!!

I'll leave you with this.....which I 100% TOTALLY AGREE WITH!!!

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